sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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