is your mom at the bar?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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