Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
