My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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