real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
