your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
