Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
