All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
