And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize