WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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