hotel room ftw
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
