I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
