is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
