Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You are a genius and a whore.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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