can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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