New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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