I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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