So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
