That's when you crack a 10am beer
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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