There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
