Pants 0. Shit 1.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
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