bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
