I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
