i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
