i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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