I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
