why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
