I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
