I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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