Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
