there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just high enough for therapy.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
