im six kinds of drunk right now
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
