i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
