party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
