My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
