you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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