Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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