he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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