I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
