When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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