And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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