I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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