i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
