I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
