He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
