he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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