I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
