I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I love having hate sex.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
