question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
