You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
