I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
