Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
They took my balls.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
