eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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