he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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