my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
