I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
