Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
