so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
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You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
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Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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