Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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