Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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