You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
