So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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