She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just want nice things and good sex
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
