I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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