Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
This is my gift to your gina
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Randomize
