can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
