I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
