of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.