Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out

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  (303): oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out http://tfl.nu/89b7
  Replies (16) Good night (702) Bad night (3523)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.

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  (601): I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water. http://tfl.nu/8w2r
  Replies (42) Good night (4918) Bad night (849)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list

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  (301): This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list http://tfl.nu/qiye
  Replies (14) Good night (4407) Bad night (906)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.

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  (303): i'm in workout clothes. this is progress. http://tfl.nu/dj1r
  Replies (22) Good night (3837) Bad night (888)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.

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  (845): Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer. http://tfl.nu/vrnz
  Replies (4) Good night (1754) Bad night (712)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.

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  (713): We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager. http://tfl.nu/qy4e
  Replies (11) Good night (2502) Bad night (798)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.

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  (717): Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes. http://tfl.nu/frv8
  Replies (2) Good night (1147) Bad night (372)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Sunday is the day of rest.

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.

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  (857): Sunday is the day of rest. (857): As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest. http://tfl.nu/lma5
  Replies (3) Good night (1981) Bad night (443)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.

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  (734): Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on. http://tfl.nu/8pzz
  Replies (4) Good night (936) Bad night (334)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."

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  (901): I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from." http://tfl.nu/m6hb
  Replies (2) Good night (1045) Bad night (457)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter

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  (305): to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter http://tfl.nu/2ljl
  Replies (5) Good night (507) Bad night (220)
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities

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  (787): I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities http://tfl.nu/2egx
  Replies (3) Good night (597) Bad night (202)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.

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  (703): Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it. http://tfl.nu/ke8h
  Replies (3) Good night (340) Bad night (1097)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN

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  (574): LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN http://tfl.nu/j386
  Replies (1) Good night (457) Bad night (171)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.

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  (708): And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint. http://tfl.nu/orxk
  Replies (4) Good night (484) Bad night (179)

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