I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.