Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.

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(305): Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that. http://tfl.nu/r17f

Replies (41) Good night (1099) Bad night (4594)
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(972): View more from Texas

so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.

(214): View more from Texas

so how much did i say i owed you?

(972): View more from Texas

$5 and a new fuck buddy.

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(972): so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards. (214): so how much did i say i owed you? (972): $5 and a new fuck buddy. http://tfl.nu/zurg

Replies (21) Good night (3393) Bad night (851)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.

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(502): I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off. http://tfl.nu/n96o

Replies (30) Good night (5284) Bad night (1589)
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(314): View more from Missouri

What happened to the watermelon?

(1-314): View more from Missouri

You fucked it.

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(314): What happened to the watermelon? (1-314): You fucked it. http://tfl.nu/pk7c

Replies (15) Good night (2340) Bad night (4636)
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(347): View more from New York

Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.

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(347): Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes. http://tfl.nu/qm7s

Replies (12) Good night (2565) Bad night (1538)
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(620): View more from Kansas

He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.

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(620): He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time. http://tfl.nu/dyz5

Replies (20) Good night (5145) Bad night (1724)
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(248): View more from Michigan

I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.

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(248): I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together. http://tfl.nu/x99f

Replies (11) Good night (4104) Bad night (1596)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.

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(610): So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way. http://tfl.nu/846z

Replies (10) Good night (5860) Bad night (1103)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.

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(919): you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt. http://tfl.nu/2jv4

Replies (10) Good night (7080) Bad night (1286)
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(630): View more from Illinois

Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...

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(630): Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know... http://tfl.nu/4kg9

Replies (7) Good night (1491) Bad night (1998)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.

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(715): He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two. http://tfl.nu/vi4s

Replies (11) Good night (599) Bad night (999)
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(757): View more from Virginia

I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.

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(757): I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know. http://tfl.nu/rhaa

Replies (1) Good night (898) Bad night (481)
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(317): View more from Indiana

Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol

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(317): Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol http://tfl.nu/rsq8

Replies (8) Good night (1079) Bad night (397)
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(702): View more from Nevada

The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.

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(702): The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me. http://tfl.nu/ddqk

Replies (3) Good night (427) Bad night (996)
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(515): View more from Iowa

It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada

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(515): It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada http://tfl.nu/dfi5

Replies (1) Good night (552) Bad night (320)

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