That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.