I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.