also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
