well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
