its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
