I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
