Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
