im having a threesome with these popsicles
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
