STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
