having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
