I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
