you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
