girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
