how can u be prego again
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
