he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
