You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The Olympian is in my bed
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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