my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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