So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
